This question, in all its forms, is one that most of us are asked every day. If you go to work or to see a friend, I guarantee you will be asked how you are. This is one of the situations in which I believe most of us lie. Whenever we are asked this, we say "fine," or "I'm good, how are you?" I, for one, find it hard to believe that everyone is 'fine' all the time. I personally have started overcompensating by answering with, "I am excellent!" or "Amazing!" There is never a hint of sarcasm in my voice because I am not being sarcastic, I am merely lying through my teeth.
One of the reasons for the mass lie is that we don't want to bum people out with our problems. I'm sure there are many more reasons too, but the one that is most prevalent with me is that if I say, "No," when asked if I am OK, it will immediately be followed with, "Why?" I feel it would be rude of me to tell the inquisitor to mind their own business and so the only other option would be to tell them why I am not fine.
This is not an appealing option for me as this is how I see that conversation going:
"Hi Kris, you OK?"
"No, Mandy, no I'm not."
"Really? What's the matter?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"Of course. What is it?"
"You might want to take a seat. We could be a while. A few months ago I had the perfect life. I was living in a nice house with my fiancée and her Mother. We had a dog and a cat. We had a field with a couple of Shetland Ponies. We had pretty much planned the entire wedding already; we'd bought all the glasses and cutlery, the dress had been bought and we were very close to booking our venue. I was planning on going to Suffolk College in Ipswich to study accountancy whilst continuing to find paid work. Once I did have a job, her Mother could move out and we could turn her room into the guest room, and then the current spare room would become the nursery for our two kids, Zachary William and Cassie Grace. We would then be married next August and be ready to start our life together properly. We even planned on retiring in her Grandparents' bungalow around the corner. I had the perfect life and my future was all planned out.
"It all started to go tits up, however. We had been together for five months and engaged for one. We had spent those blissful five months perfectly happy; never having a single argument or falling out over anything. Then all of a sudden, seemingly overnight, she stopped talking to me. She was ignoring me and treating me like I didn't exist. She then stopped coming home on her breaks (except when she knew I wouldn't be there) and eventually she stopped coming home entirely, going straight to her Aunt's after work and not even calling to let me know. It broke my heart the way she was treating me; it seemed like all the love had drained from her face and she suddenly became this cold, heartless robot.
"Then one day, she did the one thing that she promised she would never do to me or anyone else. She sent me a text message from work saying, "I don't want to be with you any more. It's over." It was like my entire world was crumbling around my feet. That day, I packed a bag and went back to Newmarket. So now that my fiancée has left me, I am in Newmarket living with my Parents and working with my Mother. I still want to go to college, but lack the motivation or drive to do so. I can currently see no light at the end of my tunnel; no happiness in my future.
"I know that I seem happy and cheerful at work but, I assure you, it's all an act for the purposes of customer service because, I don't mind telling you, behind the laughs and the smiles, I am dead inside. I am horribly, horribly depressed and getting more so by the day. So, in a word, Mandy, no I am not OK."
I have come to the conclusion that it would be best if I said, "No," every time and people just left it like that; and then, on the rare occasion that I say, "Actually, I'm good today," that would be the ideal time to ask me why, because there must be something going on that I actually want to talk about.
So, Mother, next time you comment on how I seem grumpy on any particular day, just remember that I'm not any more miserable than usual, I merely can't be arsed to pretend.
Kristopher Camden, signing out x
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